Fic: Something To Look Forward To
Mar. 9th, 2011 08:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
oroburos69Title: Something To Look Forward To
Beta:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lady_of_scarlet
Fandom: Naruto
Rating: PG-13/FRT
Warnings: Choosing not to warn for plot reasons, but there is at least one potential trigger.
Summary: When Naruto and Sasuke left, Sakura and Kakashi stayed. It wasn’t the same.
Pairing: Sakura/Kakashi friendship
Length: 1500 words
AN: Shockingly, I'm not dead. I just feel that way.
"Can you keep it out of my file?" He didn't look at her, but she was used to that. The lack of a book was new, though.
Sakura set down the file in question. "Why?" Her shift was almost over and she wanted nothing more than to go home. She nudged the door shut with her foot.
Kakashi didn't answer. The fluorescent lights buzzed fitfully. One flickered. He was looking at the door, Sakura realized with weary frustration. This was the second time he'd come to her. The first time, at noon, she'd barely seen him. He'd teleported out when she closed the door.
"Why?" Sakura repeated, trying and failing to rein in her irritation. She used the last of her sympathy hours ago. She wanted to go home and sleep.
Kakashi looked away from the door and stared at his knees instead. "No reason," he murmured softly. His leg twitched, knocking against the base of the examination table. It made a dull, hollow thud. Kakashi shivered.
Sakura sighed and dropped gracelessly into the patient's chair. "How about I promise to keep it out of your folder, but I can talk to Tsunade if it's necessary?" She closed her eyes and wondered if he'd notice if she fell asleep. Probably. Kakashi was pretty perceptive for a half-blind guy.
Kakashi didn't answer.
The scent of chakra smoke stung her nose, and Sakura sighed again. He was gone. She tried to care, but failed miserably. Sakura eased back onto her aching feet and grabbed Kakashi's folder. It was ten. She could go home.
________________________________________
He was lurking in the dingy grey hallway outside her door. Still no book and Sakura managed to work up enough energy to be slightly worried. "Kakashi," she greeted him. "Are you going to stay this time?"
He waved.
Sakura left her door open when she went in. It was invitation enough.
Kakashi slipped in behind her and closed the door, slouching so aggressively that his shoulders were nearly pinned to his ears.
Sakura smiled, suddenly nostalgic for the days when it wouldn't have been weird to see him. She thought that she hadn't spoken to Kakashi since she'd become Tsunade's apprentice, but the past followed her so closely that some days it was hard to be sure.
"Why don't you sit on the couch?" she suggested, heading toward her kitchen—toward her fridge. It wasn't big enough to be called a kitchen.
The couch creaked and Sakura felt a wave of relief that she wouldn't have to fight him over that too. She didn't have the energy. "Do you want something to eat?" she asked, dropping her bag by the microwave.
"No."
Sakura shrugged and grabbed a juice box. She jammed the straw through the foil circle at the top and sucked up half of the juice in a single gulp. "Why are you here?" She sat on the milk crate coffee table because she didn't own any chairs.
Kakashi glanced up and met her eyes for a second. He didn't speak.
Sakura yawned and stared at her bed longingly. "Can you tell me where it hurts?" she asked, figuring that if it worked with three year olds, then perhaps it would work with a 28 year-old jounin.
"My stomach," Kakashi answered. He paled and looked at the door, like he'd just revealed something awful, deserving of shame.
Sakura slurped up the last few drops in her juice box. Kakashi glared at her, and suddenly she felt twelve again. She stuck out her tongue. Kakashi snorted and rolled his eye. She could almost hear Naruto and Sasuke squabbling in the distance.
"So, illness or injury?" Sakura asked, pushing the memories to the back of her mind.
Kakashi tensed up again, she noted with absent-minded regret. "Injury."
"Okay," Sakura said. "Bleeding?"
Kakashi hesitated, then shrugged. "I don't know," he said.
Sakura tilted her head. That was a strange response. "How long ago were you injured?"
"A couple of days ago." His hands flexed, like he was trying to grab on to something intangible. Kakashi looked away from her, inspecting the cigarette burns on her carpet, left by the last tenant.
"On a mission?"
Kakashi curled in on himself. Mostly metaphorically, only his shoulders hunched up, but it was a remarkably clear withdrawal for a man whose smile was a half-closed eye.
Sakura frowned. "...not on a mission?" The hair on the back of her neck rose up in a prickling wave in response to her unease. Her instincts were screaming, a jangling in her nerves telling her that something wasn't right.
Kakashi nodded mutely, staring at her door.
Her lamp cast too much light when Sakura snapped it on. Kakashi flinched. He was pale. Bloodless. "Can you lie down on the couch?" Sakura paused, then corrected herself, "Actually, the couch is too short for me, much less for you. Let's put you in my bed."
Kakashi raised his eyebrow and Sakura shrugged, too tired to give a shit about innuendo. "I just got off a double shift. I'm not taking responsibility for anything I say."
She thought she saw him smile under his mask, but he didn't move.
"Do you need help to stand?"
Kakashi held out his hands in response. He wasn't wearing his gloves. Sakura grabbed his wrists and hauled him to his feet. She pulled away quickly, because his hands were cold and clammy, slick with sweat. Kakashi swayed, unsteady on his feet, and staggered toward her unmade bed, shoved up against the wall to maximize floor space.
It was only a couple of feet, but he fell on her bed like he was exhausted. Sakura winced and wished that she had washed her sheets last week when her mother told her to. Her bed smelled like sweat and shampoo, and she knew Kakashi could smell it. He'd smelled her first period before she'd known she was having it, thus creating the most awkward day of her life.
"I'm going to use a diagnostic jutsu," Sakura told him, scouring the memory from her mind.
Kakashi nodded, his hair rustling against her sheets. The lines at the corner of his eye looked deeper than usual and Sakura realized that she was worried about him. Strange.
Sakura performed the hand signs slowly, her aching muscles reminding her that she didn't have much chakra left. She completed the final seal and a net of her chakra dropped over Kakashi. It sank into him, then wavered.
Sakura's control broke. "In the village?" she whispered. Her voice was hushed because this had to be a secret. There was no way in hell that his injures were accidental.
"You can't tell," Kakashi said, "You promised, you can't tell." He grabbed her wrist and held it too tightly. She would be bruised tomorrow.
"Actually, I didn't promise anything," she said quietly, fighting back tears. Kakashi didn't need her crying over him. Crying didn't fix anything.
"Just don't tell." Kakashi looked at her with quiet desperation. The lamp cast unsettling shadows across his mask and Sakura could see the broken smile that it hid. Kakashi smiled like some people cried, his mouth too wide, too tense, too tight. "No one needs to know."
Sakura swallowed hard. "Is there a danger to the village?" Her voice cracked, because that wasn't quite what she needed to ask.
"No," Kakashi said. "No. It won't—it can't happen again." He let go of her wrist abruptly, and stared at her. "Please Sakura, just don't tell. Everything will be okay if you don't tell."
He was lying stupid, transparent lies that wouldn't fool the freshest genin.
Sakura breathed out, then in, tasting the smoky, dusty scent of her shithole apartment. It wasn't like she didn't understand. "Okay," she agreed. "Okay."
Kakashi closed his eye and sagged against her bed. "Okay," he echoed her.
"You're dehydrated. Your wounds are infected. And if you leave this unattended you'll probably die." Sakura's heart ached. Because of him or for him she didn't know. She sat beside him, close enough that her hip brushed Kakashi's thigh, and she felt the chill of his body through two layers of fabric.
Sakura thought about the glimpse of his injuries she'd caught before she'd lost control of the jutsu, and calculated how much chakra she had left. Not enough. "I don't have enough chakra to heal you tonight. I'm exhausted. But you won't die overnight, so if you stay I'll heal you when I wake up."
Kakashi eyed her. "Is that a good idea?"
Sakura squashed a good dozen scathing rebuttals. "No. Going to the hospital and getting treatment from an actual medic-nin is a good idea. But I don't think you're going to do that."
Kakashi flinched. "No, I'd prefer not to." He looked away, hiding his uncovered eye with her pillow. "...You can heal me?" he asked, emotions naked in his voice. It almost hurt. Sakura wasn't supposed to know what he was feeling. He was Kakashi.
"Yeah." Sakura grabbed her favourite blanket from the tangled mess of laundry in the corner and crawled onto her too short, too old couch. She turned the lamp off. "Go to sleep."
Later, Sakura blamed the silent sense of Kakashi's chakra, buzzing in the dark like one third of what she wanted most, forcing her to care. "Why?" she whispered when she thought he was asleep.
"There was nothing to look forward to," Kakashi whispered back.
Sakura hugged a throw pillow to her chest and felt her age for the first time in months. She wondered if that felt like losing your compassion one patient at a time. "Do you like cake?"
"Not really," Kakashi replied after a second, sounding faintly bewildered. It was achingly familiar. He'd never understood them very well.
"What do you like?"
Kakashi was quiet for a long time. She wondered if he didn't know. "Eggplant, I guess."
Sakura sighed. "Eggplant is gross," she muttered, resigned to taking one for the team. Something inside her thrilled at the thought of 'team' and for once she didn't bother to squash it.
"You don't have to eat it," Kakashi pointed out.
"Actually, I do," Sakura said. "It's my fifteenth birthday next week and I'm going to have a party and you're the only one invited, so if you don't show up then no one will and I'll have a party with no guests and I'll be sad." Sakura licked her lips nervously, then continued. "And there will be eggplant."
Kakashi laughed and maybe it sounded like he was crying, unsteady gasps lacing the empty humour. "Something to look forward to?"
"Yeah. Now go to sleep and don't die before my party."
He had come to her.
Next
Beta:
lady_of_scarlet Fandom: Naruto
Rating: PG-13/FRT
Warnings: Choosing not to warn for plot reasons, but there is at least one potential trigger.
Summary: When Naruto and Sasuke left, Sakura and Kakashi stayed. It wasn’t the same.
Pairing: Sakura/Kakashi friendship
Length: 1500 words
AN: Shockingly, I'm not dead. I just feel that way.
"Can you keep it out of my file?" He didn't look at her, but she was used to that. The lack of a book was new, though.
Sakura set down the file in question. "Why?" Her shift was almost over and she wanted nothing more than to go home. She nudged the door shut with her foot.
Kakashi didn't answer. The fluorescent lights buzzed fitfully. One flickered. He was looking at the door, Sakura realized with weary frustration. This was the second time he'd come to her. The first time, at noon, she'd barely seen him. He'd teleported out when she closed the door.
"Why?" Sakura repeated, trying and failing to rein in her irritation. She used the last of her sympathy hours ago. She wanted to go home and sleep.
Kakashi looked away from the door and stared at his knees instead. "No reason," he murmured softly. His leg twitched, knocking against the base of the examination table. It made a dull, hollow thud. Kakashi shivered.
Sakura sighed and dropped gracelessly into the patient's chair. "How about I promise to keep it out of your folder, but I can talk to Tsunade if it's necessary?" She closed her eyes and wondered if he'd notice if she fell asleep. Probably. Kakashi was pretty perceptive for a half-blind guy.
Kakashi didn't answer.
The scent of chakra smoke stung her nose, and Sakura sighed again. He was gone. She tried to care, but failed miserably. Sakura eased back onto her aching feet and grabbed Kakashi's folder. It was ten. She could go home.
________________________________________
He was lurking in the dingy grey hallway outside her door. Still no book and Sakura managed to work up enough energy to be slightly worried. "Kakashi," she greeted him. "Are you going to stay this time?"
He waved.
Sakura left her door open when she went in. It was invitation enough.
Kakashi slipped in behind her and closed the door, slouching so aggressively that his shoulders were nearly pinned to his ears.
Sakura smiled, suddenly nostalgic for the days when it wouldn't have been weird to see him. She thought that she hadn't spoken to Kakashi since she'd become Tsunade's apprentice, but the past followed her so closely that some days it was hard to be sure.
"Why don't you sit on the couch?" she suggested, heading toward her kitchen—toward her fridge. It wasn't big enough to be called a kitchen.
The couch creaked and Sakura felt a wave of relief that she wouldn't have to fight him over that too. She didn't have the energy. "Do you want something to eat?" she asked, dropping her bag by the microwave.
"No."
Sakura shrugged and grabbed a juice box. She jammed the straw through the foil circle at the top and sucked up half of the juice in a single gulp. "Why are you here?" She sat on the milk crate coffee table because she didn't own any chairs.
Kakashi glanced up and met her eyes for a second. He didn't speak.
Sakura yawned and stared at her bed longingly. "Can you tell me where it hurts?" she asked, figuring that if it worked with three year olds, then perhaps it would work with a 28 year-old jounin.
"My stomach," Kakashi answered. He paled and looked at the door, like he'd just revealed something awful, deserving of shame.
Sakura slurped up the last few drops in her juice box. Kakashi glared at her, and suddenly she felt twelve again. She stuck out her tongue. Kakashi snorted and rolled his eye. She could almost hear Naruto and Sasuke squabbling in the distance.
"So, illness or injury?" Sakura asked, pushing the memories to the back of her mind.
Kakashi tensed up again, she noted with absent-minded regret. "Injury."
"Okay," Sakura said. "Bleeding?"
Kakashi hesitated, then shrugged. "I don't know," he said.
Sakura tilted her head. That was a strange response. "How long ago were you injured?"
"A couple of days ago." His hands flexed, like he was trying to grab on to something intangible. Kakashi looked away from her, inspecting the cigarette burns on her carpet, left by the last tenant.
"On a mission?"
Kakashi curled in on himself. Mostly metaphorically, only his shoulders hunched up, but it was a remarkably clear withdrawal for a man whose smile was a half-closed eye.
Sakura frowned. "...not on a mission?" The hair on the back of her neck rose up in a prickling wave in response to her unease. Her instincts were screaming, a jangling in her nerves telling her that something wasn't right.
Kakashi nodded mutely, staring at her door.
Her lamp cast too much light when Sakura snapped it on. Kakashi flinched. He was pale. Bloodless. "Can you lie down on the couch?" Sakura paused, then corrected herself, "Actually, the couch is too short for me, much less for you. Let's put you in my bed."
Kakashi raised his eyebrow and Sakura shrugged, too tired to give a shit about innuendo. "I just got off a double shift. I'm not taking responsibility for anything I say."
She thought she saw him smile under his mask, but he didn't move.
"Do you need help to stand?"
Kakashi held out his hands in response. He wasn't wearing his gloves. Sakura grabbed his wrists and hauled him to his feet. She pulled away quickly, because his hands were cold and clammy, slick with sweat. Kakashi swayed, unsteady on his feet, and staggered toward her unmade bed, shoved up against the wall to maximize floor space.
It was only a couple of feet, but he fell on her bed like he was exhausted. Sakura winced and wished that she had washed her sheets last week when her mother told her to. Her bed smelled like sweat and shampoo, and she knew Kakashi could smell it. He'd smelled her first period before she'd known she was having it, thus creating the most awkward day of her life.
"I'm going to use a diagnostic jutsu," Sakura told him, scouring the memory from her mind.
Kakashi nodded, his hair rustling against her sheets. The lines at the corner of his eye looked deeper than usual and Sakura realized that she was worried about him. Strange.
Sakura performed the hand signs slowly, her aching muscles reminding her that she didn't have much chakra left. She completed the final seal and a net of her chakra dropped over Kakashi. It sank into him, then wavered.
Sakura's control broke. "In the village?" she whispered. Her voice was hushed because this had to be a secret. There was no way in hell that his injures were accidental.
"You can't tell," Kakashi said, "You promised, you can't tell." He grabbed her wrist and held it too tightly. She would be bruised tomorrow.
"Actually, I didn't promise anything," she said quietly, fighting back tears. Kakashi didn't need her crying over him. Crying didn't fix anything.
"Just don't tell." Kakashi looked at her with quiet desperation. The lamp cast unsettling shadows across his mask and Sakura could see the broken smile that it hid. Kakashi smiled like some people cried, his mouth too wide, too tense, too tight. "No one needs to know."
Sakura swallowed hard. "Is there a danger to the village?" Her voice cracked, because that wasn't quite what she needed to ask.
"No," Kakashi said. "No. It won't—it can't happen again." He let go of her wrist abruptly, and stared at her. "Please Sakura, just don't tell. Everything will be okay if you don't tell."
He was lying stupid, transparent lies that wouldn't fool the freshest genin.
Sakura breathed out, then in, tasting the smoky, dusty scent of her shithole apartment. It wasn't like she didn't understand. "Okay," she agreed. "Okay."
Kakashi closed his eye and sagged against her bed. "Okay," he echoed her.
"You're dehydrated. Your wounds are infected. And if you leave this unattended you'll probably die." Sakura's heart ached. Because of him or for him she didn't know. She sat beside him, close enough that her hip brushed Kakashi's thigh, and she felt the chill of his body through two layers of fabric.
Sakura thought about the glimpse of his injuries she'd caught before she'd lost control of the jutsu, and calculated how much chakra she had left. Not enough. "I don't have enough chakra to heal you tonight. I'm exhausted. But you won't die overnight, so if you stay I'll heal you when I wake up."
Kakashi eyed her. "Is that a good idea?"
Sakura squashed a good dozen scathing rebuttals. "No. Going to the hospital and getting treatment from an actual medic-nin is a good idea. But I don't think you're going to do that."
Kakashi flinched. "No, I'd prefer not to." He looked away, hiding his uncovered eye with her pillow. "...You can heal me?" he asked, emotions naked in his voice. It almost hurt. Sakura wasn't supposed to know what he was feeling. He was Kakashi.
"Yeah." Sakura grabbed her favourite blanket from the tangled mess of laundry in the corner and crawled onto her too short, too old couch. She turned the lamp off. "Go to sleep."
Later, Sakura blamed the silent sense of Kakashi's chakra, buzzing in the dark like one third of what she wanted most, forcing her to care. "Why?" she whispered when she thought he was asleep.
"There was nothing to look forward to," Kakashi whispered back.
Sakura hugged a throw pillow to her chest and felt her age for the first time in months. She wondered if that felt like losing your compassion one patient at a time. "Do you like cake?"
"Not really," Kakashi replied after a second, sounding faintly bewildered. It was achingly familiar. He'd never understood them very well.
"What do you like?"
Kakashi was quiet for a long time. She wondered if he didn't know. "Eggplant, I guess."
Sakura sighed. "Eggplant is gross," she muttered, resigned to taking one for the team. Something inside her thrilled at the thought of 'team' and for once she didn't bother to squash it.
"You don't have to eat it," Kakashi pointed out.
"Actually, I do," Sakura said. "It's my fifteenth birthday next week and I'm going to have a party and you're the only one invited, so if you don't show up then no one will and I'll have a party with no guests and I'll be sad." Sakura licked her lips nervously, then continued. "And there will be eggplant."
Kakashi laughed and maybe it sounded like he was crying, unsteady gasps lacing the empty humour. "Something to look forward to?"
"Yeah. Now go to sleep and don't die before my party."
He had come to her.
Next
