Three's a Crowd, Five's an Orgy Part 5

[oroburos69]

 

Title: Three’s a Crowd, Five’s an Orgy
Beta: lady_of_scarlet
Groupings: Grace/Rigsby/Jane, Grace/Rigsby/Cho, Cho/Lisbon, Grace/Rigsby, Grace/Jane, Rigsby/Jane, Lisbon/Grace/Rigsby, Lisbon/Grace/Jane, Lisbon/Cho/Jane/Grace/Rigsby, Lisbon/Jane
Team!
Summary: “Do you really think that seducing Jane into having a threesome with us so that we can blackmail him into not blackmailing us will make him less lonely?” –Wayne Rigby
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~25000 words
Warnings:More OOC than perhaps it ought to be. Smut. Unrepentant smut. Spoilers for 2x11 to 2x13.
Disclaimer: The show will never go in this direction, and my lack of acceptance for this has led to my rambling night-time fantasies taking over. Forgive me, CBS.
A/N: You have my apologies, good people. This is going up much slower than expected due to the fact that I just moved, and have severely curtailed internet access.
Part 1
Part 2 
Part 3
Part 4
 

---

Lisbon racked her brain to remember what the reporter’s name was. John? Andy? He wouldn’t calm the hell down, and she was about ready to smack him, except that the cameraman had started filming again, and police brutality on camera was wrong. Because…it was wrong. “Look, can you remember the license plate?”

“No—it all happened—”

“Okay, can you remember what the suspect looked like?”

“He was wearing a mask. I couldn’t—”

“Right. Coloring? Height? Did he say anything?”

“I can’t remember—”

“Hey boss!” Rigsby called her from the office entrance.

Lisbon got up and walked away from the reporter. “Yeah?”

“We’ve got a lead. There’s this place up in the middle of nowhere, and that guy we pulled in swears that Jane would have been taken there.” Rigsby smoothed down his shirtsleeves, giving the camera an unfriendly look.

“Great, let’s go.” Lisbon walked away from the reporter, hoping that he wouldn’t follow. Unfortunately, he did, but at a greater distance than usual.

When she got into the SUV, she sat next to Cho, giving him a thin lipped glare, because no one but no one intimidated her with weird sexual propositions. Cho flushed the slightest, smallest bit, shifting in his seat. Lisbon looked away, ignoring him. Van Pelt and Rigsby were sitting too close to each other in the backseat, and she made a mental note to give them to Jane to play with, once she got him back.

That thought firmly in mind, Lisbon got on the phone with and was ruder to them than strictly necessary, for Jane’s sake.

---

Grace wiggled in her seat, trying hard to be solemn and worried about Jane, but mostly just imagining him tied up and artfully bruised. Rigsby glanced over at her, looking concerned, and the fantasy changed to Jane and Rigsby tied up, back to back, waiting for her to rescue them. Grace’s nostrils flared and she tugged at the collar of her Kevlar.

Jane looked wounded, deliciously so. His arms were drawn up over his head, tied with rough rope that reddened the skin of his wrists. He was poetically pale in the dim light, threatened by a quartet of indistinct male forms. He saw her creeping in behind his captors, and immediately began to distract them by questioning the purity of their love for their mothers.

Grace lifted the gleaming machete she had brought, and moved forward to engage—

“—Van Pelt will act as the liaison between the local law enforcement and the CBI.” Lisbon strode off toward the ramshackle wooden hut, Rigsby and Cho flanking her.

Grace sighed, and looked over at the shit suckers that passed for law enforcement in this pitiful excuse of a county. Oh, how adorable. The sheriff had a little star on his front pocket, like in the movies. Grace let the wrath fill her, knowing that she would need it for what was coming.

“Do they need back up?” one eager-beaver asked, touching his weapon, probably the only thing he’d ever bother to finger in his sorry little life.

“No.” Grace smiled, baring her teeth “Okay, we’re going to need you guys to spread out in a nice big circle around the building. Stay within sight of each other, and once you reach your post, do not move unless you are chasing a suspect. If the subjects flee it’s up to you to catch them. Don’t attempt to shoot them, there’s going to be at least three, hopefully four of our people in there. If you shoot our people, I will shoot you.”

The worthless little fucktards laughed uneasily, pretending that she was joking. Grace was okay with that. Jokes about shooting local law enforcement were okay, threats were not, and led to disciplinary reviews where Grace had to sit across from Lisbon and they both pretended that giving death threats to moronic failures was wrong.

She glared at them, letting her eyelid twitch threateningly. “Circle. Now.”

They scattered, too loudly, and Grace growled. “Quietly.”

They left in over-exaggerated stealth, and Grace smiled. It was just like controlling those little bastards in Sunday school. Sure, her unit had been taken away from her once Father Adam had found out about—well, that hardly mattered anymore. The important thing was that Grace knew how to keep a fucker in line.

She frowned. Lisbon was signaling that they were going in. Grace advanced, ready to enter after the all clear signal was given. If Jane was tied up, there was no way in hell that Lisbon was going to let him go right away.

Jane tried to talk around the gag in his mouth, but Grace stopped him, a finger laid across his lips telling him to hush. He quieted, a wary look on his bruised face.

Grace knelt over him, ignoring the people in the background. A flurry of voices rose behind her when she leaned down and licked his cheek. Grace waved her hand at them, and they grew quiet too, as they formed a semi-circle around her.

“Do you want free Jane?” she purred, scratching a nail down his exposed neck. “Tell me to let you go.”

Jane tried to talk through the gag, but it came out as a helpless whine. Grace smiled.

“What’s she doing?” someone asked from behind her, one of the locals. Grace ignored the muttered conversations, and the gathering crowd.

Jane looked behind Grace, eyes wide, desperate. She glanced back, meeting Lisbon’s amused eyes. Grace shrugged, and settled over Jane, straddling his body and stroking a finger down his face. “Lisbon likes it when you’re quiet.”

Jane looked wounded, and Grace rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on, like you didn’t know.”

Jane conveyed upset innocence with his eyebrows.

Grace smirked. “I could molest you, right now, and she’d take pictures.”

Jane gave her a skeptical look.

“It’s my fantasy, Mister, and people will take pictures of my triumphs if I damn well feel like it.”

Grace sighed as Lisbon charged in, yelling. Hopefully Jane would be more tractable in real life. Grace thought about it, then snorted and shook her head at her silliness, ignoring the curious look that the sheriff with a shiny star gave her.

---

Lisbon looked at Jane. He was tied up. If he were gagged, she’d consider this a real win.

“Are you going to let me go?” he asked for the third time.

Lisbon considered it, knowing that she really should, but finding his immobility something of a blessing. He wasn’t getting into anything! It was like a miracle, provided in a delightfully tousled package. “Um. Forensics,” she said, hoping he’d buy it.

“You have the guys who kidnapped me,” Jane said impatiently. He nodded at the men having their arms pulled painfully behind their backs in the corner. “They’re right there.”

Lisbon frowned.

“In the corner,” he added helpfully.

Lisbon sighed. “There might be a bomb?”

“Lisbon,” he whined. “Come on. I’ve been stuck like this for the last six hours!”

“They only took you three hours ago,” Lisbon replied, contemplating how peaceful those three hours had been. If she hadn’t been worried out of her mind, it would have been downright enjoyable.

“Huh.” Jane rocked the chair, making the legs squeak. “You worked faster than I thought you would.”

“Shockingly, we are competent law enforcement officers,” Lisbon shrugged. “I know, I’m surprised too.” She turned and walked away. Jane couldn’t follow her!

“Lisbon! ...Teresa?”

“Just going...to get...uh.”

“A camera?” Van Pelt suggested from her position by the door.

“Yes!” Lisbon seized on the excuse. “Wait, no,” she corrected herself, talking over Rigsby’s laughter. “Actually, maybe.” She corrected herself as she walked out the door.

“Lisbon!” Jane called plaintively, “Come back!”

It wasn’t until her face started to cramp that Lisbon realized she’d been wearing evil grin #3 for way too long.

---

The camera crew drove back in their own vehicle. Grace, Jane, Lisbon, and Cho were left to drive back alone. The conversation twined its way through baseball, hive minds in termites, the best method for opening a stubborn jar, and wound up on mind reading. Again. Jane loved that trick.

“I’ve established a mental connection with you and I know what you’re thinking,” Jane said, giving Grace a piercing look.

Grace kept her expression blank. I’m thinking that I want to see Wayne pin you to the ground and fuck you until you scream.

Jane didn’t react, busy peering into her eyes.

Afterward, we’d let Cho slide into you while you were still wet from Wayne. He’d pull you to your knees, and I’d force your head between my thighs. Give that clever tongue of yours something to do.

“And?” she asked, eyes wide with well faked anticipation. She’d been playing this trick since the first time Jane had pretended that he could read her mind. Either he had ice for blood, or he really, truly wasn’t psychic. Didn’t make it any less fun, though.

You’d be aching and wet, desperate to come, but I wouldn’t let you.

“You’re thinking how glad you are that I can’t really read your thoughts,” Jane proclaimed with the air of a magician pulling a bunny out of a hat.

“Oh my, you are correct,” Grace replied blandly.

I want you so badly I could just strip you naked right here, right now, and ride you like a pony. Everyone could watch. I don’t care, Wayne would enjoy the show, Cho might join in, and Lisbon—Grace’s mind stalled for a second before picking up again—well, she’d probably want a turn after me.

Jane hesitated, obviously disappointed by her lack of a reaction, before leaning into his seat. He glanced back.

Grace ignored him, concentrating on the scenery.

Dear God in heaven, I want to watch you be used and abused. While you love every second of it.

---

“You’ll be fine,” Jane insisted as he pried the vent cover off. It was very small inside. And dark.

“It’s really small,” Lisbon pointed out. She took a discrete step backward, toward her desk. There was paperwork she needed to do. Soon.

“That’s why you need to do it. I’m too big,” Jane replied, rolling his eyes like it was an obvious conclusion. He grabbed her chair and shoved it under the vent. “Upsy daisies!”

Lisbon sighed and got on the chair.

---

“So, have you invited him to dinner?” Cho asked Grace. Rigsby left his desk and joined them at the kitchenette.

“No, not yet,” Grace replied. She sighed and added another sugar cube to her tea. “I don’t know. It felt like a bad time. What about you? How did it go with Lisbon?”

“I asked her out. She asked me to leave,” Cho said. He looked a trifle disappointed.

The air conditioning rattled to life, sending a cool breeze down on them. “Well, it’s not like you could expect her to tackle you and take you on the office floor,” Rigsby shrugged, leaning against the counter and sipping his tea.

All three of them took a moment to think about that. “If she did, you’d tell us, right?” Grace asked. The ceiling creaked loudly, then clanged as metal shifted and popped. Probably as a result of the change in temperature.
“Would you tell me if you managed to get Jane in your bed...?” Cho trailed off, glancing at the ceiling. He could have sworn that he heard something. A hollow thud resounded through the kitchenette, and someone cursed quietly in the distance. Cho frowned, then decided it must be a maintenance crew.

“Probably,” Grace admitted. “I mean, we wouldn’t videotape it without his permission, but if you happened to hide in the closet... Of course, we’d like to see you and Lisbon in return.” The building settled loudly, the air vents creaking.

“We would?” Rigsby asked, stirring creamer into his tea. “I mean, I’m not opposed to watching at a later date, but it seems like the first time might be better...” He paused, his discomfort obvious, “Private,” he concluded.

“I wasn’t offering our first time or asking for theirs,” Grace clarified, patting Rigsby’s arm. “Although I’d love to see Lisbon let loose on Cho—” The ceiling squealed, startling all three.

“Oh, there you are!” Jane said cheerfully, waving from the doorway. “I need help moving boxes! ...From all three of you. There are a lot of boxes.”

Grace looked away from the slowly sagging air vent. “I think there’s an animal in the vents,” she told Jane. “We should try to scare it out first.” She grabbed the broom from the closet and studied the metal duct work.

Jane stared at her, a strange expression crossing his face before he nodded. “Yes. It would be cruel to leave it in there. Lisbon’s office is the closest exit. You should try to send it that way.”

The vent barked.

Jane sneezed, his entire body shaking from the effort of suppressing it.

“It’s a dog?” Cho asked doubtfully. “Why would anyone put a dog in an air vent?”

“That’s so cruel!” Rigsby said, frowning at the vent. “I bet it’s just a puppy.” The vent sunk down another inch. “A very heavy puppy,” he amended.

The puppy barked again, indigently.

“Rigsby, go wait in Lisbon’s office and get the cover off of the vent,” Grace ordered. “I’ll try to encourage it to go in that direction.”

“I’ll do that,” Jane volunteered. “Rigsby should stay in case the vent collapses.” He hurried toward Lisbon’s office.

Cho stared at the metal duct suspiciously. “How did it even get in there?” He sipped his tea as he pondered the question.

“Ready,” Jane’s voice echoed through the vent.

Grace whacked the air duct with the broom. It clanged like a particularly brassy bell, and the puppy squeaked, the duct work shuddering under its paws as it backed up.

“I can see it!” Jane yelled. “I think its a little Rottweiler! Aw... What a cute little puppy!”

Grace hit the air vent again. The air ducts reverberated, drawing the attention of an intern walking by. Once she recognized the major crimes unit, she turned around and left.

“Oh! It’s out. Hello puppy!” Jane cooed. “Wait! Hey, come back here!”

The dog barked.

---

“Where did the dog go?” Grace asked Rigsby, stirring her tea.

“Jane said it escaped out the fire door. I just don’t know why he opened the door.” Rigsby reported.

“Weird,” Grace shrugged. “Do you think they’re arguing?” She nodded toward Lisbon’s office. The blinds were pulled tight, and the muffled sound of their voices was audible through the door.

“I hate it when mom and dad fight.”

Grace pondered the various permutations of that for a few moments. “That’s kind of sick.”

“I know.”

“And Jane’s the mom.”

“Totally.”

Jane’s silhouette pulled away from the window, heading deeper into Lisbon’s office.

Where she forced him to his knees and... Jane complained a lot, Lisbon got frustrated, and left. Jane pouted.

Grace sighed. Lisbon was difficult to fantasize about.

---

“You want to tell me.” Jane smiled charmingly and rolled a pen back and forth across his fingers.


Lisbon shook her head. “Not gonna tell.” The pen kept catching her eye, the slow back and forth, back and forth...


“What were they talking about?” Jane asked her.


Lisbon grabbed the pen and stuck it in her desk drawer. “You know, stuff.” She cackled, then stopped.


Jane twiddled his thumbs for a second. “I think you’re not telling me something.”


“Oh, I can’t remember what they were talking about,” Lisbon said. She rose to her feet and headed toward the door. “Maybe something about dinner?”


“Hey wait, I’m not done with you yet,” Jane replied, following her. “You’ve got a secret, and a choice. I can annoy it out of you, or you can—”


“Cho!” Lisbon waved him over. “I need to speak to you about the Forbore’s case. Let’s do it over coffee.”


Cho paused, looking her over. Lisbon smiled. His face expressed inquiry without actually changing in any way. Lisbon tilted her head.


“Great, I can come along,” Jane added. He tugged his shirt sleeves down. “We can talk about things like the Forbore case.”


Cho’s eyes narrowed.


Lisbon gritted her teeth and imagined Jane with a ball gag.


He whines behind the gag, looking at her with the faintest touch of fear.


Lisbon smiles without a trace of humor and taps Jane’s knee with the ruler, encouraging him to straighten out his leg.


Jane refuses, and she snaps the wood against his skin.


He straightens his leg.


“In that case, let’s invite Risby and Van Pelt, too,” Lisbon said.


Cho blinked.


Lisbon smirked.


Jane crooked an eyebrow in challenge. “You really think you can hide anything from me?”


A look of faint alarm crossed Cho’s face. His eyes flicked toward Lisbon, then back to Jane. “I’ll tell Van Pelt and Rigsby.”


“You do that, Cho.”


He obeyed.


Lisbon chuckled.


“Lisbon?” Jane sounded uncertain. Possibly…afraid.


Her chuckle descended into a full blown laugh. “Nothing to worry about Jane,” Lisbon wheezed, wiping away the involuntary tears that had risen. She sighed happily. “Coffee?”


Jane leaned back, tilting his head a touch to the right. Deviltry gleamed in his eyes, and he nodded, slowly. An irreverent part of Lisbon imagined the opening notes of a Wild West showdown echoing through her office.

Part 6